Let It Be.

Hey all you crazy cats.
Not much on the cards today. Looking at tattoos. Don't know if it's wise to get one.
I'm on medication for my Crohns which makes me damn right susceptible to every bug/virus/infection under the sun which is why the neck piercing didn't work out :( Ew.
Everyone makes such a big deal about what tattoo to get, what it means, who your copying if you get it done. Especially in Dundalk. Nobody can do anything without being accused of copying others. So bring on Dublin!
Got UCD, and nervous nervous nervous. I've gone off tea so I can't have a steaming mug of caffeine to calm me down. Morganna has suggested smuggling in some Horlicks in a plastic pouch although in her words 'It'd look rather suspect mind'. Going to try and keep busy when up there. Planning on meeting up with Mo, Claire, James etc. for Starbucks Wednesdays! Moving up pretty soonishly. Have to haul ass this Sunday, stay up there until the 9Th, when I've got to go get my infusion in Tallaght and then homeward bound!
Keep getting upset about not being able to see my nephews. A&B. Don't forget me =/

x.

It's Been A Very Big Break.

Okay so i haven't had anything really to talk about in a looooooooong time.
Or else i Suppose i have, but i guess I grew up and realised that
to prattle on about certain things isn't what i want to waste my time with:)

Almost 20. Not scared, terrified.
The day i turn Twenteen is the day i find out whether or not
I exist as a college student=/. UCD? Will yee accept me?

Probably why I'm on such a reading frenzy at the moment.
Any time i feel like pressure to going to stomp me to the bedrock
I pick up my comfort blanket, which will be the first thing i pack for college:
'The Harry Potter Books'.

These will definitely be my source of familiarity when i go to the concrete jungle. But i cannot for the life of me, come across another book or alas a set of books, that i can delve so deeply into. So i have sought elsewere. I read my first 'Girly' book as i suppose i should theme it. 'The truth about you', really was a great book, and i recommend it if your venturing down that path way of happy happy. I read 'Shutter Island' which i thought was easy to read, very exciting but a bit predictable in the end, and then, for some reason... i chose to read 'Tara Road' by Maeve Binchy.
Coming to the last two hundred of the six hundred page Everest I noted never to pick up another Binchy again! Therefore, I'm stuck. And college is drawing nearer and nearer, lurking around the corner waiting to pounce. I've recently taken a fancy to an 'Elizabeth Kostova'. I've read her book 'The Historian', and although there were times I needed 'Oxfords Dictionary' at my right hand side, i thought it was absolutely brilliant, so much so I purchased the second book she released and I'm ready to sit down and start. It's called 'The Swan Thieves', therefore I'm not expecting potions classes and a lovable ginger kid. (Oh won won... I love you.) The only way to find out was it worth the pain of going through the behemoth that was Binchy is by reading it i suppose. Better get on that. Let the plot thicken like cold custard.

I don't rant anymore. (:

&&. Its Been A Long Time, Shouldnt Have Left you Left You..

I Could Keep Prattling On About Those
(I Want To Say Alicia?) Lyrics, But Although That Song
Is A Tad Fucktastic, I'll Let It Skip Right Past Me,
Pick Up My Beans &&. Get On With The Task At Hand.
HARRO!

Not The Mesiah, Not Even Katy Perry, But Little [Tall Enough]
Me, Typing From My Computer! Surprised Much?
Argh. Time. It Actually Flies Past. It Seems To Be Quite An
Obvious Factor Of My Life. It Picks Up The Pace, As It Does For All Of Us
When We Need It To Stop, Such As Studying For Pre's, Cramming In Formulas,
And Holding On, With Regards To Nothing Else, Those Last Few Moments With
That One Person You Have That Makes You Forget That Time Even Exsists.
Time Weaves In And Out Of Joys, Events, Days And Inevitably Loss.
And Not Only Does It Weave, But It Slows Down. Sometimes Its So Slow,
Its A Wonder It Doesnt Relasp. But No Matter What. It Goes On. &&.
Somewhere Amongst The Chaos Of It All, We Find Ourselves More Learned,
Stronger, Weaker, Tired, Estatic, Drowning..

Loss Of Character, People, Or Time. It Happens.
Shit Happens. What Do We Do?
We Bitch, We Moan, We Cry, More Than Anything
We Pretend It Doesnt Bother Us:)

Just How True That Last Statement Is.
We're So Good At Pretending.
We Pretend We'll Study, Just Trying To Pass The Time
Till Skins Actually Appears On Our Tellies [WHIZZER!]
We Pretend That We Actually Don't Bitch About People
&&. Our Halo's Gleam Out Of Our Ass! We Also Pretend That
At The End Of The Day, We're Okay. Nobodies Always Okay.

Sure There's Days When You Get Up Or Nights When You
Crawl Into Bed And Feel Like The Biggest Hazard In Your Life
Is Yourself. And Your Constant Beating Up Of Your Own Confidence.
Your Constant Comparing To Others Achievements, Your Own
Constant Pressure. But Alas We're So Good At Pretending That
We Don't Care About It, That We End Up A Stressful Wreck,
Crying Because That Stupid Fucking Maths Formula Just Won't Stick
In Your Head! Crying Because You Put Your T-Shirt On Backwards,
And Crying Again Because You Where Re-living It.

Leaving Cert My Fellows...Is No Laughing Matter.
The Pre's, Thank Gott, Are Over.
But Ahead Of Me, Us, Lies Something That Is Enough To Bring
Even The Soliders To Stationary. The Smart To Their Knees.
The Teachers To AA Meetings.
Everyone Say Hi To Liam!
Hi Liam! (They Say In Chorus)

We Pretend, We Cry, We Break Down.
All By Ourselves.
&&. How Stupid.
Because Do We Not Realise That Those People
Around Us That We See Everyday At School
Go Home With An Empty Or Semi Full Bag Of Books
And No Matter What Their Social Status Or Expectations..
They Too Hear That Voice At The Back Of Their Head That Whispers..
Oh So Maleviolently, That Maybe, Just Perhaps
''You're Just Not Good Enough''.

Rant Over?
Kiddies, Im Just Back.
=]
x.

&&. The Primary Dream.

Starting With Something...Just Something.//
_______________________
Hours Passed Like Minutes, Days Passed Like Hours
Before I Knew It, I Was In Next Week,
Dazzled By A Simplicit Blur.
&& When All Stars Fade, && Time Stands Still.
I'll Still Be Thinking Of Our Chaos
&&.The Dreams We Revelled In.
_______________________

Feck.
It's Been Too Long My Little Love Fern.
Argh. Two Straight Drunken Nights.
Being Helped Upstairs By A Graceful Grapefruit,
Photo's Being Taken By Me...That I Can't Fully Comprehend
Oh &&. Also My Typing Has Gone To Balls.
The Keyboard Is A Mass Of Letters And Numbers,
Trouble Is I Can't Really Differenciate From The Two.

My Recently Busy Schedule Has Given Me Alot Of Food For Thought.
I Stopped Writing And Began Doing. &&. In So I Noticed A Few Things.
Everyone Gets To A Point Where Time Just Seems To Stand Still.
Worse Than That, When It Flies By.
For Many Sixth Year Students, Such As Myself,
It Feels As Though We Merely Blinked And Went From
Getting Trodded On For A Sausage Roll To Being The Trodders Themselves.
Summer Exams Changed To Leaving Certs And Friends Changed To Strangers.
A Local Fellow [Ken.] Shared Some Advice With Me In The Months Aproaching Sixth
Year.
''Be Careful About Sixth Year, Enjoy It, But Be Prepared For People To Come Out Of Their
Box''.
Being So Close To Many Of My Fellow Students I Thought His Notion Absurd And Considered
Myself An Exception, Exempt From The Foolish Idea.
Well I Couldnt Have Been More Wrong.

People From My Wonderful Ty Days Have Up And Grown New Personalities.
Its Gone From Having Endless Conversations With Friends Over The Phone After Seeing
Them For A Full School Day, To Struggling To Find Words To Fill An Awkward Silence.
And What Are We To Do When Every Single Comrad That Surrounds Us
Seems To Have An Alterior Motive?
Have We Gone From Having A Favourite Chum To A Favourite Aquantance?

In Primary School, Fights Where Over Who Got The Last Crayon Or Who Was Cooler, Huggy Bear Or Annie Apple?
And After A Skip In The Yard All Anger Was Forgotten.
Are We Still Living The Primary School Dream That Problems After Three O Clock Don't Exist?
Or Better Yet
Do We Still Hold Onto The Notions That There Is Such A Thing As
'Best Friends Forever?'

Rant Over?
Pur-Lease. Im Hungry.
x.

&&.I'll Have A Time Machine With That FlippyDop.//

Dear Everyone.
Happy 2nd Of November.
Feck, I Thought It Was Still The First.
Last Day Of Midterm.
Last Two Hours To Be Exact.
Major Sigh.
Midterm Was One Of My Best.
Lots Of Sleepovers With Him, Lots Of Shopping
&&. Drinking.
Halloween, Usually A Holiday With Some Many Unfulfilled Expectations
Was Actually Great This Year.
Drink Fuelled Fun In The Warmth Of A Bonfire.
Along With A Finnish Girl, Two Spice Girl Fans, A Parent Who Wants To Send Me To A Vet
&& This Amazing Mad Lady
Who I Enjoy Conversing With While Intoxicated
Even If I Do Accidentally Headbutt Her In The Process Of A Drunken Hug.

I Love Midterms. But Hate Them.
Ruckus Has A Problem With Them Too.
You Get A Taste Of Freedom In Midterms.
A Taste Of College Life &&. A Taste Of Bitterness Of
Realising Your Still Months Away From Summer &&.
That Actual Routine.
A Taste Of What Your Life Would Actually Be Like Without
Responsibilities &&. Where Your Priorities Lye.
Midterms Are Great. Any Breaks Are. But There's Always
A Certain Jeering Essense About Them.
Its Like The Schools Way Of Saying
''Right Look Here Kiddos. We'll Give You A Nice Nap
But Your Fuckin Getting Your Ass Back In A Week''.
Not So Nice.

Another Not So Nice Thing This Week.
Supposed Friends.
Hahahahahahahaha.
It Makes Me Laugh How Much I Regret Trusting People.
Simple BestFriend Rules Where Broken To The Max
Over This Week.
Funny How Easily A Friendship Can Be Thrown Away
&&. How Easily Things Could Have Been Mended If They
Had Attempted To Explain The Situation Or The Actual Event
To Me In Person/Phone/Text/Email/Bebo.
But Nada. It Seems Said Person Had Other Ideas On Her Mind.
But Lets Face It, When Have You Put Others First?.

&&. These Are The Only Lines You Will Be Wasting Because
Discussing This, You, Honestly, Is A Waste.
There's A Difference Between Being An S.B
&&. A Friend.
Somewhere Along The Lines, You Forgot.
Pity.

When Everythings Going Great&&. Everything Down
To A Simple Cup Of Coffee && Chicken Make You Happy,
Its Hard Not To Be Pragmatic [Realistic DollyBird.//=]
About Your Life &&. Your Current Way Of Living.
We Forget To Be Cautious Until Something Hits Us
&&. Brings Us Back Down To Earth.
Whether Its Old Memories Or A Dramatic Event.
Why Is It, Everytime Things Are Going Well,
Something As Simple As The End Of A MidTerm Can Drag Us
Back Down?
Are We Setting Ourselves Up For Disappointment Or
Can There Simply Be Too Much Of A Good Thing?

Better Yet.
Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

Rant Over?
Stitched Me A Headbutt In My Sleep.
Good Times.

x.//

&&. Its Something Called Brute Oblivion.

Iceland. Amazing.
Social Life. Okay.
English Homework?
PaHa. A Joke.
Honestly, It Seems I've Mentioned The Fact I Have An Enormity Of
English Work To Be Doing Every Time I Click New Blog.
Twud Seem The Life Of The Socially Capable Must Have A Fluency Unlike
No Other To Get Through A Weekend Without Being Bogged Down At
A Computer.
Anywhere To Get Silence.

Speaking Of Silence, I Made A Returned Visit To My Second Habbitat
To Discover An Intrusion.
An Invasion Of The Knacker Kind If You Will.
The Silence I Knew As An Under Age Attendant
Has Sprout Into A Basin Of Vincent&&Foreign [When I Say Foreign, I Mean Non-Louth.]
Visitors.
I Beckon&&Urge My Old Silence To Conform Back To Its Original Majesty..
Or Suffer The Loss Of Some Regulars.

Not To Mislead You.
The Other Night Was In Fact One Of The Best.
But Not Due To The Bleak Bismol That Was The Atmosphere.
Jesus, Gestures && Gimics Where Welcomed The Other Night.
Quite Funny, Quite Lovely, Quite Amazing TBH.

Ruckus && I Had A Talk Concerning Changing Fashions.
The Love Of Lazy Sundays, Gossips, Nights Out, Days Out. Old Memories && New Loves.
The Place To Be Years Ago Was The Blackrock Community Centre On A Friday Night,
Months Ago It Was A House Party Warped Up At The Last Minute && Now Its A Combination Of Relaxing With A Friend Or Partner Teamed With Memories Of A Different Lifestyle.
As Always Another Caffenated Talk Lead To New Questions/Notions Spiralling Into View.
We Seem To Be Surviving Amongst Many Companions&&Aquantances That Have Their Own Problems.
Lets Face It, Thats Obvious. We Often Meet People At The Wrong Time && Visa Versa.
Whether We're Having A Bad Hair Day, A Groggy Day, A Bitchy Day, A Mother Is Annoying My Cranium Day. Which Ever.
But We Also Have Other Days. A Confession Day. An Inspiring Day, Or Indeed For Ruckus.
A Relisation Day.
Certain Things Change. We Change. We've Met This Topic Before.
But People Drift Together && Indeed Apart Every Single Day Of Our Lives.
What Does It Take To Try && Recover A Failing Relationship, Whether Thats Friendship Or A Partnership.
Can We Turn Around A Downhill Slip Every Time Around
Or
Are Certain Things Just Inevitable?

Is There A Point When We Just Have To Let Go Of The Past
&& Give Into A New Future?

Rant Over?
Its A Long Time Coming.

x.//

&&. Where Does It Go?

Instead Of Basking In The Light Of My Recently Uptained A In English
I'm Still Suprised About, I Have Another Essay To Scrawl Up.
&&. With My Soon Departure To Iceland Tomorrow Night,
It's Gonna Be A Tricky Situation, Esp. With My Even Sooner Poetry Question
Due Up This Friday, Sometime While I'm Circling The Blue Lagoon.

A Recent Ruckus Conversation Of The Relationship Sort,
As Per Usually, Has Circled Around A Paticular Theme
So To Speak. Everyone Has Past Issues. Things That Haunt Us,
Whether It's An Embarrassing Moment That NOBODY Knows About,
Whether It's A Fear Of Those Emotions That NOBODY Knows About,
Or If Its Fear Of Words. Past Issues Have Provided Us For The Basis
Of The Ground We Lead Our Life Today && Although Talking Through
Problems Is A Good Starting Place, Is There A Point When You
Just Can't Talk Without Fear Of A Pandora's Box?
Although We Communicate, Is Their A Fear Of Communication?
Of Simple Words?

This Weeks Society Seems Very Much Persuasion Focused.
Our Powers Over People. That Whipped Factor That Although So
Many People Wish To Uptain I'd Run Away From. Having A''Whipped''Relationship
So To Speak Would Have Me Running For The Hills Rather Than Running
After Someone && Visa Versa. Experiences Have Thought Us Sympathy, Empathy
&& Labotomy.
We Can't Alter Our Way Of Life Without Past Problems Or Errors Showing Us
Our Mistakes. The Little Ways Of Living, The Little Feelings, That Little Song That
Made You Think Of A Little Time.
All In All.
We All Have A Past.
But Is It Merely A Case Of ''What Not To Do's'' For The Future?

Rant Over?
In The End, Is It Only The Little Things That Count?

DollyBird, Get Back To Work.
=]
x.